Hippo Racing at Kings Cross, Saturday Nights. Come Naked...

The following questions were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials (truly), who clearly have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for cretins).

Q:  Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV. How do the plants grow? (UK)

A:  We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q:  Will I be able to see Kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A:  Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:  I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A:  Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q:  Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A:  What did your last slave die of?

Q:  Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A:  A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not. Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in King's Cross. Come naked.

Q:  Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A:  Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q:  Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A:  Why? Just use your fingers  like we do.

Q:  Can you send me the Vienna Boy's Choir schedule? (USA)

A:  Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-many, which is ... Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boy's Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo race. Come naked.

Q:  Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

Q:  Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A:  No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunters/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q:  Please send a  list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q:  I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A:  It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q:   I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A:  Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q:  Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A:  Only at Christmas.

Q:  Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

I posted this some years ago. I make no apologies for the re-post - it's worth the read - again and again and again ...

Cover Reveal: 'The Spirit of Nimue', by Donna Hosie!

Donna Hosie is an English writer currently living in Australia. She blogs at Musings of a Penniless Writer. She writes YA Urban Fantasy, loves Greek mythology, fantastical worlds, time-travel, magic, the complexities of friendships, history, legends, and the idea of taking an established myth and giving it a new spin. Oh, and she loves Harry Potter and her favourite country in the world is New Zealand! What's not to love? :)

And here's Donna's three spectacular book covers all in a row:

Searching For Arthur

The Fire Of Merlin

And finally - The Spirit of Nimue!

THE RETURN TO CAMELOT trilogy concludes in THE SPIRIT OF NIMUE.

Natasha Roth and her older brother, Arthur, have removed the magical darkness that had fallen over the land of Logres.

But all actions have consequences.

Nimue, the Lady of the Lake, is now a sworn enemy. Natasha realises that the only way the land of Logres will truly be at peace is if the sorceress is removed forever. So with her beloved Sir Bedivere, the feisty Guinevere, and a trusty brethren of knights, Natasha plots to free Logres from the malevolence of Nimue once and for all.

Yet Arthur also has problems. Now a father to Mila, he starts to witness a terrifying change over his girlfriend, Samantha, as she struggles to contain the awakened powers of Morgana.

With dark magic coming at them from all sides, Natasha and Arthur decide to make use of the Falls of Merlin: a mystical landscape of waterfalls that connects 21st century England with the mystical world they fell into. A place that does not exist in the future.

And by the end, they will know why.

As Natasha finally discovers the truth about her past link to Logres a tragedy will strike at her very heart. Can Arthur get his young family back to the 21st century and still continue to be the king that Logres demands he be? What is the secret that Sir Gareth has been hiding all this time?

And who is the true owner of Excalibur?


THE SPIRIT OF NIMUE is released on Amazon on the 31 May 2013. It is the final book in THE RETURN TO CAMELOT trilogy.


GOODREADS  
http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6153661.Donna_Hosie?utm_medium=api&utm_source=author_widget

AMAZON.COM
http://www.amazon.com/Donna-Hosie/e/B00A49AN7M/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

AMAZON.CO.UK
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Donna-Hosie/e/B00A49AN7M/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0

Good on you, Donna. All the very best!

This New Zealand Politician Unleashes One Of The Funniest Gay Marriage Speeches On Record

Before a final vote that approved marriage equality in New Zealand, Maurice Williamson a member of Parliament from Pakuranga, delivered this hilarious, heartfelt, and altogether brilliant speech defending his vote for the bill.

And I couldn't agree more ... Each to their own, right?

(Thanks to Elephant's Child who posted this on her blog first)

Boston Marathon Bombing

Sad times we live in ...

I was positively shocked this morning when I observed that the majority of bloggers that I follow are mindlessly carrying on with their 'alphabet soup' as if nothing has happened. And yes, I guess life does go on. But, guess what? For others, their lives, hopes, and dreams stopped dead when some monster decided to set off a bomb, killing three innocent people and injuring hundreds more.

RIP

Martin Richard, 8, who was killed by the bombs at the Boston Marathon - and below with his family.

Martin Richard, was with his family watching his father, Bill, run the marathon. Martin died in the blast, his mother, Denise has serious head injuries, and his six-year-old sister Jane has lost a leg.

Krystle M. Campbell, 29, has been identified as the second fatal victim in Monday's bombings at the Boston Marathon. 



 
Lingzi Lu, who was studying mathematics and statistics at Boston University, was among the people killed in the Boston explosions.
 



Massachusetts Institute of Technology Patrol Officer Sean Collier, 26, of Somerville, Mass., was shot to death, April 18, 2013, on the school campus in Cambridge, Mass

Ellen DeGeneres Reads Fifty Shades of Grey - absolutely hilarious ...

This is probably the funniest thing I've ever seen on YouTube! Enjoy.